Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Reflections At Age Forty

  • I have better friends now than I have had my entire life.  The.  Best.  Ever.
  • I worry so much less about what other people think.  That's awesome.
  • I still worry about ruining my kids by homeschooling them.
  • I like red wine.  The really gross stuff my mom always drinks.
  • I like better beer now.  I've replaced the Coors Light with Heineken and IPAs.
  • I understand my mother more.  Oh God.
  • I'm way less strict than I used to be.  But I regret it daily.
  • I still love my husband as much as I did when I first fell in love with him.  Probably more.
  • I can now admit I have anger issues, haha.  And I medicate to help with that.  And the depression.  And the anxiety.  So yeah anger, depression, anxiety.  All the fun stuff!
  • I have learned how to grill.  I love it.  LOVE IT.
  • I weigh the most I have in my entire life and for the first time ever I wear a bikini.  So weird.  Well I wear one in my back yard pool anyway.
  • I have a lot of guilt because I don't keep in touch with family and friends as well as I should.  I keep saying I'm going to work on that but then life just gets in the way all over again.  
Seriously though, what is it about the 40th birthday that makes it just like New Years?  I feel all of this pressure to do everything.  I keep thinking things like now that I'm 40 I am going to eat healthier, lose weight, feed my kids better, relax, enjoy everything more, accomplish more, clean the house more, keep to a good school schedule.  It's like half of me is super relaxed and good with things as they are and the other half is all motivated to make all these positive changes.  Is this normal??  I have no idea.  But in reality tomorrow is just another day.  Nothing has really changed except the number.  So I will just keep going, trying to do better and yet accepting all the things about me that really will probably never change.  So what the heck, cheers to tomorrow!  I'm going to end my night with a glass of wine and an episode of my current tv series, Life of An American Teenager.  Life.Is.Good.